Yesterday was business. We took TJ up to Redfield College for a financial meeting and uniform fitting. The PARED (Parents-Educators) Foundation has started a number of schools, of which Redfield is one. Their idea is to create an education that relies on parents as the primary educators; to that end, they have tutors for each student who oversees not only academic progress, but spiritual, social, etc--the whole person. These tutors meet regularly with parents, working together towards a formation in virtue.
Sounds great to me. I've been seriously burnt out from homeschooling for about two years. The kids have suffered from it, of course. Ana has been okay, because she pushes herself. The other two were younger when, even unbeknownst to me, I had burnt out. I got to the point when I couldn't even look at a math sheet. I lived with the guilt of not doing enough, but there wasn't much choice about what to do. What happens when a homeschooling mom gets burnt out? Most women, I don't think, will be able, right away, to admit it. We think of it as failure, I suppose, in our primary duty after the kids are out of nappies.
I started homeschooling when Ana was born in 1999. She was always a little sponge for everything, poor thing. We had some good years, especially in California, when we sat in a little corner of the dining room, on the floor, in the sun, and read things like Chats with God's Little Ones and made Montessori letters.
My goal in homeschooling was to create independently motivated learners, not factory workers. John Taylor Gatto articulated my concern with traditional school better than I could, and the positive side, the exploration and learning for learning's sake, was my goal. I believe I accomplished it with Ana; she was old enough before I burnt out to get that meta-lesson. Sophie and TJ, though, I think have suffered from being too young when I just got mired down, although I think they benefited from the freedom, the freedom away from heavy scheduling and having things imposed on them.
Sophie I think benefited from the safe and same environment that was home. She is, underneath, more of a homey person than any of the rest of us; her room is always the place you want to be, because it is so loved and kept so carefully, her little things carefully and lovingly placed on windowsills and little tables, her dolls cared for. The rest of us are pretty random.
TJ has played more than many kids his age; a big deal for him was to learn that if he's patient, he can overcome the Lego set. He still hasn't quite got that in writing yet.
But I burned out. Why does this happen? I think it is because we are all different, and I am also an older mom; I had my first at 31. I've gone into the Forest Dweller stage of life, when your kids are supposed to be gone already, that stage when you start just saying what you think and desiring to go live in the forest. Even in burn out, though, I could still see the great things one could do with homeschooling, and the great things we did: filmed a movie, learned poems, acted in a Shakespeare Company as a family, traveled, learned boating and fishing, mountains and lakes. And some math and stuff like that.
Now, I knew, it was time for them to take the step out into a more organized environment. These are Opus Dei- inspired schools, and they are beautiful--lovely buildings, green pitches, all outdoor, not prison-type things where students shuffle from cell to cell. It looks Montessori in that it seems built for human development, not factory training.
TJ tried on summer shorts, button down shirt (it MUST be double-stitched because boys pull on them all day), winter shorts, legionnaire cap , back-pack. He looked really great in his tie and shorts, like Edmund and Peter at the train station.
I hope it works, because like everything else, it is really expensive. I just have to leave it with God, and do my best. I see school, a good school, as a real opportunity; a gift. I see teachers of younger children as real servants, for burn-outs like me.
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